Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize