Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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