At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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