Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
