I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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