why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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