It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
