I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
