My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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