Porn is love you can see.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize