she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize