i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're like the curious george of whores
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
