I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
