Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
