The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
