I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
