first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
