I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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