when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
tell me about the fingering
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