You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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