My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
