ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
