i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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