If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize