ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
