Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
