if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
