if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
