Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
