I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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