I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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