i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
