I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
