If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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