My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
