lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize