She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
