had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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