I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
