2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
