I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
