She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
