I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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