If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
