Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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