I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
