dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
