her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
