Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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