Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize