Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
