If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
