I met the friendliest cop last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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