would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
