pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
