I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
