I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
