FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
