why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
