the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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