My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
